15 Perspectives on Conflict Management

Conflict management isn’t only a matter of skill — it’s a matter of state. When the brain registers conflict, it often treats it like a threat, activating the fight-or-flight response and flooding the body with cortisol and adrenaline (distress hormones). In that instant, the amygdala — our quick acting emotional alarm system — can shut down the prefrontal cortex (the slow acting part of the brain that is rational and “thinks”), to focus on survival. Essentially, when someone says they weren’t thinking, they really mean that. When the prefrontal cortex is focused on survival, it doesn’t distinguish between an argument and a bear, which means you find it harder to think with clarity or compassion.

This “amygdala hijack” means we’re more likely to react on instinct than intention. The shift is normal — and once you can name it, you can start to interrupt it. In fact, once you begin to anticipate it, you can manage the amygdala hijack – including how long it lasts and creating space to process.

1. A drunk man speaks a sober man’s mind. An angry man does, too. You meant what you said (and your apology may not be accepted).
2. Every issue boils down to conflict, whether it’s disagreement over what should be done, how it should be done, how to prioritize what should be done, who should do the thing that should be done, or your reasons for not wanting to deal with the situation.
3. A good fight either strengthens or destroys a relationship. If you remember that you value the person/people you’re fighting with, it doesn’t have to be the latter.
4. Just because a conflict starts or surfaces today, it doesn’t mean that it has to be resolved today (but it needs to be addressed soon).
5. If you are self-aware enough to know what you turn into when you’re angry, you are, in fact, able to control what you turn into when you’re angry.
6. If you consistently lose it on someone, you’re abusing your power or you don’t value/respect that person.
7. Conflict isn’t good nor bad. It just is.
8. The value in conflict is its ability to reveal gaps in understanding, communication, and alignment.
9. You’ve already mastered waiting until the next day to respond to emails that make you angry. It works when you’re in person, too.
10. Disingenuous apologies to avoid conflict breed resentment.
11. Being honest about anger and disagreements is a form of integrity.
12. NEVER go to war where there are no spoils to be won, and they better be worth it.
13. If someone is wrong about something that is inconsequential, let go of your need to be right. This is different from good old fashioned conflict avoidance.
14. Resolving conflict doesn’t equal agreement on the issue. It means hearing one another and agreeing on a path forward.
15. Conflict resolution includes restoration and forgiveness.

Conflict is unavoidable, but how you frame it shapes how you move through it. Grounding yourself in clear, principled perspectives turns moments of tension into opportunities for clarity, trust, and leadership repair — laying the foundation for stronger teams and healthier workplaces long after the immediate challenge has passed.