Glamping, Group Dynamics, and Unspoken Expectations

Recently, I went on a glamping trip with a women’s hiking group. Although I’m an experienced hiker, I’m not so experienced with glamping, camping, or the group (I’d hiked with them once before the glamping trip). The reason I’ve never been into camping is that I’ve always thought it was too much work and I require a shower and a mattress in order to regard a day as a good one. This is why I’ve been content to stop at hiking. I get to connect with nature and return to my comfortable home. However, when I heard the hiking group was going “glamping”, I was excited! In my mind glamping was hiking coupled with tiny houses and catered meals. So, I signed up for three good days and wound up living a leadership lesson in group communication and unspoken expectations

I arrived at the River Mountain camp site with all of the excitement as a kid waiting for Christmas. As I unpacked, I learned that the host had assigned each of us “chores”. I was on the team responsible for cooking dinner each night: I promptly refused. I told the dinner group leader that I was unaware of such expectations, that I didn’t sign up for a work trip, and no one asked me whether I was willing to volunteer at all, let alone for that particular task.

It was a first down in a weekend-long breakdown of group communication and unspoken expectations – and the group NEVER recovered the yard.

The dinner group leader went stiff and was doing everything in her power to control her body language (Daniel Goleman should give her an award for the self-regulation component of emotional intelligence!). She asked if I would, at least, put out the cutlery and paper plates. My reply was, “Yes, begrudgingly”, because I wanted to make it clear that I was not joking and that it was not okay to ask me to do more. I was incensed! I paid for a “retreat” glamping trip, not a work trip where I’d be voluntold to do chores. 

As I set my boundaries, I also thought about the impact of my behavior on the team and decided that I was unwilling to be a team player: there was no way I was cooking all weekend! I couldn’t do it with a good attitude. Instead of pouting and complaining aloud the entire time, I decided that I’d “do me” and observe. The rest of the weekend did not disappoint!

The first thing that I noticed was that the same handful of people worked the entire weekend. Interestingly, I realized that the worker bees were the people who had strong ties to the group leader. Second, it became clear that several people felt the same way that I did; however, I was the only person to speak up about my objections. 

Every time someone whispered a frustration instead of voicing it out loud? That was another lost yard. Every passive-aggressive comment or disappearing act? Another failed play. Second down. Third down. No real progress.

Third, the leader dealt with the issue by stating aloud to one of the worker bees, “Some people think they’re at a hotel with room service or something. This isn’t that! This is still camping.” When the leader said this, I was in the immediate area and wondered if her comments were directed primarily to me since I was the complainer or if she was talking to all of the shirkers. Fourth, when work needed to be done, many of the shirkers conveniently disappeared or simply failed to report for duty. Fifth, by the end of the weekend, the worker bees were angry.

We were on the fourth down with inches to go—one honest group conversation could have salvaged the experience, reestablished trust, and set a better culture. But we didn’t go for it. We punted. And that silence? That was the real turnover.

So, on the morning that we were departing, the shirkers pitched in a little because getting lost may have meant missing the ride back. 

Increasing Group Anger and Resistance:
The most interesting behavior that I noticed was that the increasing outspokenness of the shirkers as the event came to a close: there were more and more sidebar conversations like, “I didn’t sign up for…” or “They should have at least asked us how we’d like to help because I don’t know how to grill.” They were just as angry as the worker bees! As another “regular” participant and I talked about the situation, I had an epiphany when she said, “The leader probably didn’t communicate the expectations during sign ups because the people who normally hike with us knew what to expect.” In that moment, I knew what killed the weekend: initial group culture, overall communication, and unspoken expectations. 

Here’s a plausible explanation of happened: 

People (like me) who did not have significant enough interactions with the group and who were inexperienced campers/glampers were permitted to join the group WITHOUT being told what the expectations were. We felt like paying the fee translated into “All I need to do is show up” (How effective is your organization at being crystal clear about what it expects when bringing in new talent? Do you know that “bait and switch” is one of the key drivers of turnover and employee dissatisifaction? Further, data show that employees’ who have negative experiences early on experience a drop in engagement that persists no matter how long they remain with the organization). 

When participants learned about the work expectations, it was after the event begun,  which left us feeling mislead. Additionally, “volun-telling” people to do work is rarely a way to motivate them and it often fails when the person giving the orders does not have authority over their “subjects”. Finally, the shirkers’ refusal was also a demonstration of how leadership is an exercise of influence and consent.

The leader didn’t communicate expectations to the newbies because she was overwhelmed: she planned most of the retreat by herself. Essentially, overwhelm negatively impacted her effectiveness: are you experiencing burnout because of personnel shortages, perfectionism/fear of mistakes, or time constraints associated with needing to train the people to whom you’d delegate? Additionally, (I believe) she took for granted that the participants wouldn’t mind and would expect to work on a “camping trip” although it was sold as a “glamping trip”: how often do leaders make inaccurate assumptions about what their employees want and need? How often do leaders assume that the message they intended to send is the one that was received? 

Groups often fail to learn from their failures:

Now that the event is over, the greatest tragedy of the entire experience will be the silence. Participants will have small group gossip sessions about the mis-steps, but a large group discussion probably won’t happen. Such a conversation would likely be uncomfortable; however, it would strengthen trust and commitment to the group. Teams lose valuable lessons when they don’t take the time to debrief personally and collectively about their successes, challenges, and failures because of ego and fear. No one will bring up the issues because they fear conflict, struggle to facilitate tough conversations, and are unwilling to admit that the group needs the hard to hear feedback in order to improve and grow.