16 Perspectives on Conflict Management

Whether on or off the clock, every leadership challenge has conflict baked into it. Yet, very few people readily walk toward conflict because it often makes people feel trapped. Moreover, data shows that anger and stress trigger physiological changes in the body that impact how well and clearly a person thinks. Therefore, it’s important to consciously develop your perspectives and philosophies on conflict management so that your flight or flight response system doesn’t hijack your ability to manage what is a normal and regularly occurring part of life, work, and relationships. Consider adding the 16 perspectives on conflict management below to you personal philosophies.

1. A drunk man speaks a sober man’s mind. An angry man does, too. You did meant what you said. 
2. Every issue boils down to conflict, whether it’s disagreement over what should be done, how it should be done, how to prioritize what should be done, who should do the thing that should be done, or your reasons for not wanting to deal with the situation.
3. A good fight either strengthens or destroys a relationship. If you remember that you value the person/people you’re fighting with, it doesn’t have to be the latter.
4. Just because a conflict starts or surfaces today, it doesn’t mean that it has to be resolved today (but it needs to be addressed soon).
5. If you are self-aware enough to know what you turn into when you’re angry, you are able to control what you turn into when you’re angry.
6. If you consistently lose it on someone, you’re abusing your power or you don’t value/respect that person.
7. Conflict isn’t good nor bad. It just is.Thinking like this helps you be less resistant to engaging in conflict.
8. The value in conflict is its ability to reveal gaps in understanding, communication, and alignment.
9. You’ve already mastered waiting until the next day to respond to emails that make you angry. It works when you’re in person, too.
10. Disingenuous apologies to avoid conflict breed resentment.
11. Being honest about anger and disagreements is a form of integrity.
12. NEVER go to war where there are no spoils to be won, and they better be worth it.
13. If someone is wrong about something that is inconsequential, let go of your need to be right. This is different from good old fashioned conflict avoidance.
14. Play offense when you know a situation will likely raise conflict. Disarm the person or situation by telling them that you know what you’re about to say will be hard to hear and that you want to keep and/or strengthen the relationship even as you deal with the problem.
15. Resolving conflict doesn’t equal agreement on the issue. It means hearing one another and agreeing on a path forward.
16. Conflict resolution includes restoration and forgiveness.