The Leaders’ Needs Matter, Too

This blog post is a companion post for, “Your First Job Is To Make Them Feel Safe“.  

I was glad that things went well for them, but I didn’t get what I needed. By the same token, I couldn’t let on that I felt that way (and let’s hope they don’t see this!). While I believe in being transparent and vulnerable with those that I lead, you can’t share everything with people who are looking to you for guidance. Yes, you are in the thing together, but lamenting downline undermines the team’s confidence in you and kills their enthusiasm for the work that you do together.

So, on Sunday, I went hiking again! I called a friend who makes for great company. We went to State Line Park in the Palisades. The hike was exhilarating and exhausting. I loved it! But, alas, I hiked alone. My Sunday hiking companion was not as adventurous as I thought. I also assumed that she was a more capable hiker because she was younger than my previous hiking buddies (see what assumptions and biases get you?). While I hiked a little bit of the trail, she was gracious enough to wait at the cafe at the beginning of the trailhead. Frankly, she was a little afraid; thus, she was happy to wait rather than feel pressured to go.

This experience reiterated a lesson I’d previously already: leaders, like hikers, must build communities of people who have similar or slightly greater levels of experience. When you spend too much time with people you tower over, your personal growth is slower. Nevertheless, it is important to include people who need to grow in your community, organization, or tribe. Their presence reveals your assumptions and makes you more compassionate. By the same token, when you spend too much time with people who are exceedingly above you, you may find yourself afraid to try because you worry that your deficiencies shine brighter than they do, which was how my Sunday companion felt. Evenso, you must enter into those spaces sometimes because they give you something to aspire to and help you manage your ego: you are not always the smartest person in the group. Finally, you learn to love your peers because you can have frank conversations, compare notes and hold one another accountable – this will be my experience on Thanksgiving when I return to State Line Park with a fellow, tried and true, hiker.